Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Take It All Back

All those things I said about Toth sleeping so much better after just a few nights of crying it out? I take them all back. He has been crying, crying, crying at every nap and every bedtime for what, a week now?
Yep, pretty much since daylight savings time started. Actually he was having a little trouble before it started, so that he missed his afternoon nap on the night before DST and went to bed early, woke up at the "new" 5:30 a.m., and we thought all would be great.
Nope. Since then he's been taking an hour or more to fall asleep at night, even though he's clearly tired when I put him down at 6. So he's basically sleeping 7 p.m. to 7 a.m., with his regular wakeups (around 10, 2:30 and 4:30). But why, why take an hour or more of crying to fall asleep every night? Why cry a full hour instead of taking a nap like he did this afternoon, or cry 45 minutes and then sleep 20 minutes, like he did this morning? What am I doing wrong?
He hasn't been taking that "third nap" that babies sometimes take at 4 or 5 in the afternoon. If he took it, maybe I could just put him down at 7 p.m. without him being so bushed by 6. But if I take him upstairs at 4 or 5, he'll nurse, eyes shut, as if he's sleeping, pretty much indefinitely. Then if we stop nursing, he'll pop right up. Put him in the crib, and he'll scream, you know, indefinitely.
There were a couple nights in the past week when he went to bed at 6 or even 5:45 with no complaint, but then woke up one hour later and screamed for at least an hour. He thought he was just taking a nap, I guess.
I hate this. I hate listening to his anguished howls, I hate wondering if I should reverse course and knowing that it might not even be possible to reverse course, because nowadays he knows what's coming and even after he's been nursed and rocked and is nice and calm, head toward the crib or Pack and Play and he's arching his back, grimacing and crying. I've put him down totally awake, put him down drowsy, put him down sound asleep, all with the same result.
Toth. Please. Go. To. Sleep.


Sara said...

oh carrie, i know this doesn't help you at all, but i am right there with you. last night at 2am, after the 4th or 5th wakeup (i lost count), i laid in bed in anguish, listening to h scream in his pack 'n' play, and wondering what the hell i'm doing wrong. h does the same thing...he sees his crib or his pack 'n' play, and sometimes even when we start to rock him to sleep, he cries. he knows what's coming.
i don't have any encouraging words to offer. all that i know is that ONE day, they will sleep. i just hope it's not their very last night at home before going off to college.

*hugs* hope it gets better soon, for both of us.

Red Headed Mama said...

We were having the same problem round these parts (except M is a little younger than Toth). He could never go to bed at 6 and stay asleep for the night, no matter what anyone has tried to convince me! He always gets tired between 6-6:30pm, and I let him take a 10 minute catnap, wake him up, and then keep him up until around 8 before putting him down for the night for (mostly) good. He's been waking up once or twice to eat, but it's so much better than the craziness we were putting up with before!

Worth a try, since I know you're at your wits end! Good luck!

Carrie said...

Sara, Even though I don't want you guys to suffer either, somehow it DOES help.
I'm thinking that either a) he's crying so much now because he's overtired by 6 -- his afternoon naps have been lacking or nonexistant on many of these days or b) I should be aiming to put him down at 7 instead of 6. Both those ideas point to re-establishing the third nap, which I'm scared to try since he's almost 9 months old and The Book says they should only be taking the 3rd nap until 9 mos.
I don't know. In the light of day, while I'm NOT listening to him scream, it seems like I can figure it out. We'll see.

Lora said...

This is a major bummer. I'm sorry for it. I have two who were poor sleepers and "anguish" is the right word. I finally just surrendered to not getting much sleep, and somehow that helped, mentally at least. I hope you find a solution though, and can get some rest!

Zeecon said...

I posted a sympathetic comment to your last post...and then both my children came down with ear infections, and I was not willing to let the baby cry when she was hurting, so while she has only been having one wake up in the middle of the night, her naps are hell, and last 35-40 minutes, tops. She will take that third nap, if she seems really tired I will put her down at 5ish, and she does the 30 minute thing.

I really think there is sometimes nothing you can do that works. I know AskMoxie always talks about regressions, and my baby is about 5 minutes away from crawling, so I am thinking maybe that is what her problem with naps is.

In other words - they will sleep when they are good and ready, and don't be hard on yourself, sometimes there is really nothing you can do, except walk around exhausted, of course.

Zeecon said...

And I did try the earlier bedtime, like you said the book suggested...not doing that again! :-)

Tyler said...

I stumbled across your blog because my sister blogs for Chicago Moms Blog, too, and I wanted more to read while I was nursing and so read your post.

I am sorry your kiddo is not sleeping well and it's been hard to find a way to get him to sleep through the night. But, I am so encouraged by your blog because I thought my kid was the only one who wasn't sleeping well, who cried incessantly and hates the crib. Never mind that he has reflux and gas issues and nothing is working to help that and so cannot sleep laying down more than 10 minutes before he's screaming because he needs to burp. I am encouraged because your kiddo is 8 months or so and mine is 10 weeks. But I hear story after story of how "my 4 week old sleeps through the night and goes right back to sleep after the a.m. feeding." Whatever! Now I read the comments here and say, "Okay, there are others up in the dead of night with me, in their homes, dealing with cranky babies, too! Oh, good! No, not good, but certainly helps me to cope knowing I'm not the only one who is struggling with the sleep schedule deal.

Thank you for your honesty and updates on the progress of Toth. Please keep it up and let us know what's working and helps and blesses the rest of us dealing with the same thing!