Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Frankly, You Were Never My Favorite Aunt

Oh, Flo. How nice to see you. Oh, no, really, unsolicited visits are just peachy. It's wonderful being a girl, right?*

OK, well, if we're being honest, I'm not that happy you came. But now that you're here, I can think of a few reasons to celebrate your arrival. In fact, I can think of 10:

1) Able to enjoy a third cup of coffee while making dinner, guilt-free. But not whisky-free.

2) Looking forward to another month of TTC. I know it's a luxury to look at it this way -- so many couples endure months and years of trying and disappointments. But our previous TTC episodes have been quite short (3 cycles, 0-1 cycles), this will definitely be our last stint, and, you know, it's fun. Makes me realize that those Catholics are pretty smart when they say the best sex is procreative sex. That is what they're saying, right?

3) Continued prescription for daily ice cream consumption. In fact, I bought two 1/2 gallons of Edys today. With ExtraBucks, of course.

4) Won't have morning sickness during Halloween. (Morning sickness during Thanksgiving and Christmas still a distinct possibility, though.)

5) Still have time to get therapy for delusion that I can handle another kid when the two I have are driving me crazy. Or reconsider due to financial crisis that could cause job loss.

6) Will now be able to enjoy couple glasses of wine while watching Grey's Anatomy and beers during the play-offs. (OK, the way the play-offs are starting off tonight, I may need shots during the play-offs. Or Xanax.)

7) Release from discomfort of feeling simultaneously pregnant and notpregnant.

8) Time to achieve more pre-pregnancy to-do items such as painting, stockpiling free nutritious snacks, exercising and taking prenatal vitamins. (Well, not like you can't exercise while pregnant, but my two tours of duty tell me I want to go into this endeavor as fit as possible.)

9) I have a friend who's also TTC, and it didn't happen for her this month either. I'm hoping we end up with babies with very close birthdays! (Yes, I know: Stupid conception tricks. What is with these fertiles?)

10) Conceiving next month or beyond pushes the due date into midsummer or further. Oh, wait. That's not a reason to celebrate. That means being huge and miserable during hot summer months. OK, wait: That means buying fun new summer maternity clothes at spring consignment sale. Better?

* Most perplexing line from this movie, the exact one I watched at school in 6th grade:
student: "What if I need to wash my hair?"
Mrs. Cooper: "Wash it. Just don't walk around with a wet head."
Huh? Is a wet head dangerous while menstruating? I have been endangering myself for more than two decades! Hopefully, they have updated and today's schoolkids are watching something more like this.

5 comments:

Sara said...

Sigh. Well, at least you'll have fun trying again next month!

Abby said...

Aw, man, best of luck in the coming month!

Also, when I came to your site tonight, a popup came up from the Nielsen rating site interested in the traffic that visited your blog. Maybe you're going to be the next Dooce!

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Becky said...

Have fun TTC! And with the booze, which should be combined with the TTC for maximum effectiveness.

Anonymous said...

This has nothing to do with TTC, but it does relate to making Flo's visits less inconvenient: Have you ever tried the Diva Cup? This is my first "visit" using it, and it is SOOOOO much better than other feminine products. It requires less frequent attention, especially during lighter days. It is also going to save me a ton of money over time, and send virtually no waste off to landfills or water treatment plants. Google it. You'll turn up all kinds of discussion, as well as information on where you can get one for cheap.