Monday, November 07, 2005

One Risk of Extended Breastfeeding ,,,

... is that you may find yourself, when your child is a great big 18-month-old, still tearful when the groups sings "You Are My Sunshine" at the library story hour. This is one of many songs that had zero emotive content for me before I had Nutmeg, yet now gets me every time. It starts with "You'll never know, dear..." Because she will never know! And she'll never love me back as much as I love her! And I am not even allowed to complain about that, or I'd be laying my emotional needs on my child.

Fortunately, there are no rules in the childraising books about laying your emotional needs on your blog readers. I can see it now, though: All of you on your psychiatrists' couches, 15 years from now, saying, "It all began with the Nutmeg News..."

But back to the song, the last line is the kicker. Today was the first day we tried going to the story hour after our first attempt, a couple months back, when she wouldn't even stay in the room but kept wandering off in hopes of another elevator ride. Today she stayed in the right area, but instead of docily sitting on my lap -- the event is called a "lapsit" on the library schedule, but she can't read yet -- she was standing practically right in front of the children's librarian, spinning around in circles and singing along and grinning at her audience from below her freshly washed, sun-colored hair.

And I'm singing, "Please don't take my sunshine away." And hoping that all the normal parents in the room will take it for allergies when I sniff and wipe my eyes. And wanting to ask the other parents if they're made of stone or what, because didn't they hear that? Someone might take their sunshine away! CPS, estranged spouses, the gypsies, who knows?

Fortunately, they don't do "Sunrise, Sunset" at story hour.


Notta Wallflower said...

You may not think so now, but someday (probably when she's an adult), Nutmeg will realize how much you love her. :-)

I get teary-eyed over some things, but I just think it's different for everybody. Some people's soft spots are buried deep....

Kori said...

I had a college roommate who called weepy times like the one you experienced "slam your hand in the car door" moments. She figured you could either listen to the sappy song, or just speed the process along by slamming your hand in a door. She's pretty pragmatic.

I would have cried, too, breastfeeding or no. That song always gets me---I used to sing it with my younger brother, Joe. I'd sing each line, with him filling in the last word. Now when I see him with my daughter, just sweet as sweet can be, I think about the sunshine song and get teary. :)

usako said...

Months ago, at a dear friend's funeral, after everyone had said goodbye to his coffin and we were standing around, all of us reduced to sniffles, my friend's dear sweet grandmother began singing that song, saying her and Bruce used to sing it together when he was a child.

I've never heard a sadder rendition of it in my life, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to sing it without thinking about my departed friend.


Bert said...

thank you for scarring your readers with your emotional needs so that i might have more clients in the future. you're so generous! always thinking of others. :)